How many of us were taught to set boundaries?
What are boundaries and why do we need them?
Some great questions, I’ll start with what boundaries are – because there are a few boundaries to learn about.
Physical boundaries
Possible the most recognised. We’ve all been in that uncomfortable positions where that mouth breather insists on standing an inch away breathing down our neck. It’s a horrible feeling, they’ve not only encroached on out physical space they breathe almost in our face too. Physical boundaries let people know when they are too close and encroaching on our physical space. We can do this by moving ourselves away from people who are too close or asking / insisting on our personal physical space.
Emotional boundaries
Possibly less known about these. Emotional boundaries are important for ensuring our emotions remain our emotions and other people’s emotions remain theirs. Empaths can be poor at being clear about their emotional boundaries as they have a natural pull towards emotions, but it is important to be clear about your emotional space and who gets to borrow some.
Sexual boundaries
We talk about saying ‘no’ but knowing your all of your sexual boundaries is important to being sexually safe. This is about what you will and will not do, feeling respected, communicating and being honest about your sexual boundaries.
Practical boundaries
Knowing how much you can and will do for others. If you give an inch, some people can take a mile, as the saying goes. Knowing that you have time to help your friend in need, or even that you don’t have the capacity to support others, is absolutely fine. I see a lot of clients who feel they are taken advantage of because they can’t say no family and friends.
There are also parenting boundaries, relationship boundaries, work boundaries too. Boundaries are a way of telling people what you will and won’t accept and they keep you safe from physical, emotional and sexual harm, they are a way for you to communicate your self worth to others. All boundaries are flexible depending on who the other person is.
Boundaries are used to protect myself and they are an indicator of how I feel about myself. It is my responsibility to set my boundaries with others and let them know how I want to be treated.
Do I have boundaries?
What are my boundaries?
Are they clear to everyone?
What do I feel I can do to improve my boundaries?